Sweet Disposition.

Hmm.. So the other day I finally got around to telling my sister what's happened.. not necessarily what went wrong.. just the whole differences thing.. and suprisingly, she was kind of disappointed ha. Disappointed that I didn't make it work.. which is totally different than what I've been hearing haha. Maybe it 'cause she really liked you and saw that I really was happy.. I laughed for a bit really just because I thought she'd say different but yeah.. I just told her, what's done is done and for now, I can't change anything.


Ehh.. well to be honest, these past two weeks have been probably the slowest/fastest weeks ever. How does that even work? I have no idea. It has been filled with great company, good laughs, spontaneous outings and so much more, yet.. it has been filled with gloom, undesired thoughts, and sleepless nights. I can't even describe to a person how I feel anymore hahah.. like two weeks ago I got into a car accident and then something else.. ha but the following week I got my permit and a job haha. I'm pretty nervous to see how it'll turn out tomorrow hehh. But all in all.. I wish you were here.. so I could share all my thoughts with you and just have someone I trust to talk with. Like I said in a previous post.. I wish I could just wake up from this dream... but it's not, it's reality. (Emo! HAH) My expectations are totally off from my reality and I can't wait til Saturday to prove that they really aren't going to align (Yeah.. I know 500 Days of Summer) hahah. Ahhh.. it's just so hard.. not only losing a boyfriend or whatever you wanna call it, but losing a best friend. Someone I love and trust. I don't know.. I just realized how much we both took advantage of the thought of always being there.. and we didn't really notice..but since it's all gone.. completely.. it's different. A huge change in everything. I wish everything wasn't so messed up.. You have played such a key factor in my life for the past two years. Simple 'Hello, How are you?"s really did suffice.. It's a shame to realize things once they are completely out of your grasp. I wish I could fix everything in a heartbeat.. but it's not up to me anymore.... I'm sure you know by now that I've been wanting to talk to you. But I'm not going to.. because I don't know if you want it bad enough... what I'm saying might be a mistake, but I'm going to take the chance. If you want to.. take the initiative. If not then..





Alyssa.